Day Fifteen: Subpoenas and Audits and Forms, Oh My!

Well, I may be on maternity leave in theory but I've had a string of bad luck when it comes to things related to my business popping up that need my immediate response and attention.  I joke that I only get subpoenaed when I'm pregnant or on maternity leave...  But that's not really a joke.  I really HAVE only been subpoenaed for child custody cases twice:  Once when they wanted me to testify in court after having finished up at work, fully 9 months pregnant and ready to pop; and the other time, (now), when I have just given birth. Let me tell you, finding an outfit and shoes suitable for court in either of these conditions has been no small feat!  

This maternity "leave" I have been doubly lucky as the same week that I was spending hours talking with lawyers by phone, I also got notice of being audited by an insurance billing agency, (who was aware that I was on maternity leave),  and was given a 5 day response window!  Thanks, guys!  And then, when I thought my work-life couldn't become any more invasive, I received a mountain of paperwork from another agency that needed to be filled out now.  So, needless to say, I've had some things to deal with lately other than my children and this experiment!  And, I will admit, I have had some self-pitying, chocolate eating moments as a result...

The upside to this, however, is that I actually got to leave the house today without any children in tow!  In fact, I was able to be completely alone.  There was not another soul in my car with me!  So with child-inappropriate music blaring at a near-deafening volume, I drove away from my house as a completely separate entity from my children, husband and dog for the first time in nearly two months!  I was free!  This was practically a novel experience in and of itself!

After completing the work that needed to be done at my office, I sat down on my comfy couch, took a deep breath, and stared off into space.  Prior to this, I had never really understood what was meant when people described silence as "deafening."  However, at that moment my ears were literally ringing with quiet.  It was quite lovely, actually!  Sensing an opportunity for novelty, I looked around my office to see what I could find to complete today's task and found...

NOTHING!  It appears that every book, drawer, and basket is filled with things that I have used on multiple occasions.  I clearly have spent too much time in my office!  As I was about to cry Uncle and head back into the fray, I remembered an exercise that my friend Beth, (of coconut cheesecake with passion fruit glaze fame), had taken part in at a training at Kripalu.  

Now I have no idea who taught her this exercise, or if it can be found in a book somewhere, so my apologies about not giving the proper people credit.  However, when she described this simple but profound exercise to me I had filed it away in my brain so that I could try it during my next quiet moment...  That filing happened, oh, like, a year ago...  And that anticipated moment had finally arrived!

The exercise is simple, really:  

1.  Take a piece of paper and list the activities you take part in in a typical day in your life.  

2.  Next to each activity mark whether it is self-nurturing/energizing, neutral or draining.  

3.  Review and contemplate.

Despite the fact that I've been bemoaning having to work during my maternity leave, this exercise shed some light on how good my life actually is right now.  The vast majority of my time is spent taking part in activities that are self-nurturing, energizing, or neutral.  And, when draining activities happen, often they would actually be neutral or even enjoyable if it weren't for the fact that I was trying to multitask.  Like, for instance, when I'm trying to start a load of laundry while keeping an eye on my toddler so that he doesn't try to hit his sister with his stuffed Elmo.  Or, when I'm trying to dress Gracie while Liam is trying to rip pages out of his bedtime anthology.  So, the take home message from this activity - if I can do it mindfully, without trying to do other things at the same time, almost anything I have to do in my day-to-day maternity leave life can feel rewarding rather than draining.  (I say this as I type this blog while rocking my infant to sleep in her bassinet with my foot...  But I digress!) 

And what about all of these out of the ordinary work-related activities that take me away from spending this precious time with my kids?  Trying to motivate a toddler day in and day out has taught me that attitude is everything.  If you are enthusiastic and make it fun, he will be more than thrilled to do any little chore you give to him and he will put his all into savoring the experience.  In fact, he will run back to me chanting "more" and will be disappointed if I can't find something else for him to do!  It's when we tell ourselves that something is unpleasant that it actually becomes that way!  So, I guess, my attitude has kind of sucked!

I was once told that looking at your stressors as challenges to be faced was one of three things that people who manage their stress well do. In a way, this experiment allows me the venue to make things that I would normally dread or think of as unpleasant seem more like a fun challenge.  For instance, if I actually end up having to testify in person in court, (which I got out of at the last minute last time around.  No one wanted the therapist to go into labor on the stand!), that will certainly count as a novel experience.  And I find that thinking of this as a novel experience to add to my life list makes me feel more curious than anxious.   So looking at testifying within the context of this novelty embracing experiment makes it seem a bit, well, fun?!  Weird, I know!  But I find that as I get more and more in the habit of orienting my life toward seeking novelty, even things I'm afraid of seem less terrible.  I don't think I'll be jumping out of an airplane anytime soon...  but you never know!     

Day Seven: Sleep Deprivation and Yoga Nidra

Sleep.  It's such a simple concept.  You lie down, close your eyes for at least 8 hours and wake up feeling refreshed, energized and ready to face the day.  Right?  Unfortunately, I have not had this type of sleep since June of 2008.  You see, for some reason when I am pregnant the first symptom that shows up is insomnia.  Don't get me wrong!  It is quickly followed by the incredible, slammed up against a wall, exhaustion that most pregnant women speak of.  But as soon as sperm meets egg, I am waking up multiple times a night wanting nothing more than to be sleeping.  Other symptoms come and go, but this is the one thing that stays constant throughout my entire pregnancy. 

The actual birth of my son just made matters worse.  While he is an absolute joy, (most of the time), he is an epically bad sleeper.  Though he will be turning two in a few weeks, he has only slept through the night (erratically), since a few weeks before the birth of his sister.  And, just in time, I am back on the round-the-clock feeding schedule of my newborn daughter.  I figure that at this rate it will be November of 2013 before I will be getting a full night's sleep!

So, for a long time now, the idea of trying Yoga Nidra has been tucked into the recesses of my foggy, sleep deprived brain.  Although I was once an avid yoga practitioner, prior to today the only thing I knew about this practice is that doing it for 30 minutes supposedly gives you the equivalent of 3 full hours of sleep.  A half hour of rest equalling three hours of sleep?    That means that if I could find a mere hour and half of quiet I could actually feel like I'd had the 9 full hours of sleep a night I had come to know and love prior to motherhood?  SIGN ME UP!!!

As I woke up feeling particularly exhausted and desperate to get more rest, today seemed like the perfect day to give yoga nidra a try.  I had no idea what to expect, but I purchased the MP3 of the CD pictured above and took heroic measures to get both of my children to nap at the same time.  With my IPod ready, I lay down on my bed and...  promptly fell asleep for two hours.  I didn't even manage to hit play.  My two hours of traditional sleep potentially cost me an additional 10 hours of rejuvenation!

By some miracle, the stars had aligned and both children were still asleep when I woke from my slumber.  This time, I actually managed to hit play and settled in to be transformed back into my normal, rested self.  At first, it was very much like your traditional relaxation practice; asking you to get comfortable, scan your body for tension and try to let it go, etc... etc...  After that, it got a little freaky! 

In my job, I've experienced a lot of relaxation techniques and scripts, but this was completely novel...  and at times bizarre!  The lilting voice instructed me to rapidly switch my focus from body part to body part; a practice that I found to be effective in rapidly getting me to a deeper state of relaxation.  Then, we were to focus on feeling common physical sensations:  warmth, relaxation, COLD, PAIN.  Ummm...  What?!  Imagining that I was walking on a cold floor in bare feet or feeling excruciating pain did nothing to relax my aching muscles!  Following this step, I thought that we were back in familiar territory as the voice started to guide me through some mental imagery.  Some images were calming, some were neutral, and then some were of snakes.  SNAKES!  Really???

As the practice was nearing its end, and the voice was gently coaxing me back to a wakeful state of consciousness, my son awoke with a shriek, causing my little one to howl and i was abruptly jarred back to reality.  Several hours later, when I had my next quiet moment, I immediately started researching just what it was that I had been through.  The information I found was fascinating and I will post the most useful links in the Nerd's Corner, but in a nutshell the idea is that to prepare to attain the state of yoga nidra you are rapidly led through the phases of sleep in order until you reach deep sleep... with full wakefulness and awareness.  So the snakes and other imagery were meant to mimic REM or dream sleep!  Interesting!

In conclusion, after the yoga nidra practice I definitely felt more rested than I had in days.  However, it's hard to say whether this was due to the practice or my accidental nap!  What I can say with certainty is that the yoga nidra mp3 I used was very effective at putting me in an altered state of reality.  Alhough it was not always "relaxing" in a traditional sense, that doesn't mean that it wasn't restorative and I do feel that it was effective.  But you won't find me trading in good, old fashioned sleep anytime soon!  Not that I have any to trade in, anyhow! 

Day One - Revising and Revisiting History

OK.  So I lied.  There was actually a much more important novel experience that occurred for me on Day One, but I didn't blog about it because I wasn't absolutely certain that it actually had happened.  Sometimes these things can just be a reaction to gas.  But the next morning, when my 6-week-old daughter woke up with a radiant smile on her face, it confirmed without question that I had, in fact, witnessed her first, fully awake social smile!  As a new mom, this is about the best novel experience I can imagine having on day one of my experiment!

My contemplations prior to becoming a mother is actually where the story of this project begins...  When I was pregnant with my son, I was doing a lot of reading about anything and everything related to pregnancy, birth, and developmental psychology.  This might be a good time to make an important confession to my readers:  I am a nerd.  It isn't always immediately apparent to people upon first glance, but I can only hide it for so long before it becomes readily apparent that underneath my normal looking exterior is a complete and utter nerd who is perhaps more than a tad bit neurotic.  Given this unavoidable fact, it shouldn't be too surprising to discover that I was actually doing some reading about genetics because somehow this was going to help me to accurately predict and prepare for the physical traits and personality features of my son before he was born... Right?  Right... 

Anyhow, while attempting this futile task I came across an article about the possibility that "novelty seeking" might be genetic.  As is usually the case when researching on the web, this led to the discovery of more articles about a novelty or experiencing seeking personality.  And it didn't take me long to realize that I definitely had this genetic makeup...  and this personality type. 

I had always sympathized with the thrill-seeking personality.  Throughout my life, boredom has been my biggest enemy.  I'd rather be sad or angry than bored or stagnant.  However, I've known for a fact that I wasn't the type of person who needed, (or wanted), to jump out of a plane and risk life and limb for an adrenaline rush.  In truth, I'm more than a little scared of heights.  However, with the discovery that the thrill seeker had a meeker, more neurotic cousin I had finally found my tribe.  The experience seeker and the thrill seeker share a biologically based need for novelty, but the experience seeker has a lower tolerance for risk so we fulfill our needs in different ways. 

A few months later, it became apparent that my equally nerdy BFF, Angela, had been doing her own research and pondering about novelty.  Our conversations led to the envisioning of the Novel Experience Experiment and the different ways that we could document the personal impact of this journey.  Originally, the plan was that Angela would take on the challenge and I would silently support her in the background.  However, life and other responsibilities prevented her from starting this project, and it sat untouched for over a year.  So I am now taking on the role of guinea pig and my journey begins with the smiling face of my newborn daughter.  Let the novelty seeking begin!