Day Forty-Five: Novel Experiences and Motherhood...

Before I move on to documenting the three novel events that I had today, I need to make sure that one very important fact be stated for the record:  I love being a mother.  In this blog, I have written about loving moments with my son and mindful moments with my daughter.  And these have been some of my favorite posts...  But here's a warning...  Today's post is probably going to be just a little bit different!

First, let me start by saying that today I witnessed yet another novel experience plan go wrong.  A miscommunication between myself and my husband led us to a different unexplored nature preserve than I had planned for.  As the forest path led to a small wooden walkway built on top of a bog, a stroller was not an option.  Therefore, both of my children experienced milestone novel experiences:  Liam had his first long nature walk without an optional method of transport available and Gracie had her first ever walk in the woods strapped snugly into the front pack.

Our walk to the end of the pathway went off without a hitch.  The weather was gorgeous, Liam was cooperative and excited, and Gracie calmly took her surroundings in with an air of fascination.  On our walk back to the car, I was congratulating myself for teaching my children about nature, and exercise, and novelty seeking...  and then novelty hell broke loose!

It started with Gracie blowing out her diaper in the front pack:  Novel Experience Number One.  Now, when I say blowing out, I mean blowing out.  There was baby poop EVERYWHERE, she was in full meltdown mode...  and we had left her just-in-case outfit in the car.  Thankfully, by the time this happened we were relatively close to the end of the path and shouldn't have had more than a five minute walk...  If Liam had not have chosen this very minute to start fighting us about staying on the path, which put him in full meltdown mode as well...  

So with two children screaming in cacophonous unison, one covered in her own feces, the other periodically sitting on the muddy path and refusing to move, we slowly proceeded down the pathway, passing the other hikers who had come out on this beautiful spring day in search of a peaceful walk in the woods.  

As we trudged on at a snail's pace, it became clear that my poopy little wonder was needing to eat...  now!  So, while sending up a little prayer that this would not be the moment a group of teenage boys would meet us on the path, I "pulled off" the trail to "discretely" nurse my hungry little girl...  with my son screaming for his Mama the whole time.  Breastfeeding in the woods:  Novel Experience Number Two.  

FINALLY, we made it back to the car.  There were tears to be wiped away, diapers and clothes to be changed, and cooperation to be bought with stickers.  However, eventually everyone was strapped into their seats and we were on our way to experience Novel Experience Number Three.

In hindsight, dear reader, I know that I have learned an important Mother-Of-A-Two-Year-Old lesson...  Never take your child out to a nice dinner after a day of physical activity...   even if they nap beforehand...  even if they had an immaculate track record of good restaurant behavior before they turned two...  and particularly if you have not been to said restaurant before to scope out it's child-friendliness factors.  

When we pulled into the restaurant parking lot following the 45 minute drive, we had two sleeping babies in the backseat of the car, one of whom needed to be woken up so that we could make our reservation time.  As my angelic sleeping toddler transformed himself into a fully awake little monster I knew that we were in trouble.  While he had had a normal amount of food and rest since our walk, I had not factored the amount of energy he had expended walking on his own on an uneven path for at least a mile...  Before I had fully realized what I had gotten myself into, I was carrying an exhausted two-year-old with low blood sugar through an adult-filled, quiet dining room to the table furthest from the doors.  

At this point, I knew that we were racing the clock.  More sleep was not an option so the child needed sustenance and he needed it fast...  We ordered him orange juice and held him off from his meltdown just long enough for the bread to come out.  As I was sighing with relief about the crisis narrowly averted, my husband took a "too large" piece of bread out of Liam's hands to rip it into smaller pieces...   and our son absolutely lost it.  Leading to Novel Experience Number Three:  Carrying my tantruming child out of a restaurant.  

So it was a day filled with Novel Motherhood Rites of Passage.  The poopy, blown-out diaper in the front pack with no change of clothes, breastfeeding trailside in the woods, and carrying a tantruming toddler out of a restaurant are the flip side of the coin to the first smiles, first "I Love Yous," and first giggles that I've written about before this.  But that's motherhood.  You take the bad with the good, and do your very best to meet everyone's needs and climb up the pyramid knowing that things are changing moment by moment.  Eventually, the coin flips once again, as it did for us tonight, and motherhood becomes a joyous journey of love, learning, and connection.  So, without further ado, let's get to the happy ending of our story.

After Liam calmed down outside and had a little bit more to eat he was perfectly behaved for the rest of our meal.  The food was excellent, Gracie remained asleep the entire time we were out, and Liam charmed all of the people at the surrounding tables.  Our neighbors and the waitresses even commented about how well behaved he was, (clearly there was a shift change during our mealtime!)  We all drove home feeling full and satisfied while Liam chattered on in the backseat about the events of his day.  And this mother, hearing the joy in her son's voice as he recalled the many positive parts of our "walk in woods" and marveling about the impact that this novel experience had, realized that she would not change one moment of this day if she had it to do over again.    

Day Thirty-Two: Mindfulness, Multitasking, and Motherhood

Two years ago, I became a mother.  It's hard to capture the profundity that the addition of this role has on a person's life.  That first moment when you hold your new baby in your arms marks the moment that absolutely everything in your life changes, and you can truly never go back to the way things were.

Before I was a mother, I was a novelty seeker.  I filled up my life with experiences, education, and travel.  I took impulsive road trips without set destinations.  I hiked, and kayaked, and did yoga.  I stayed in an untouchable village in India.  I earned a Master's Degree while living in Boston.  I played the flute.  I lounged in hot springs at the base of a volcano in Costa Rica.  I spent two years as an AmeriCorps volunteer working in rape crisis centers.  I went on a camping safari in Kenya.  I learned to knit.   I climbed a Mayan pyramid in Mexico.  I taught classes at the local community college.  I saw shows on Broadway and in London.   I watched the sunrise above Table Mountain in South Africa.    I worked at MIT in Information Systems.  I swam with sharks and stingrays in Belize.  I attended protests in Washington D.C.  I worked as a flower gardener on a college campus.  I went rock hunting in Nova Scotia.  I spent 100 days going around the world on a ship.  Everyone of these experiences was wonderful, but there was always something missing.

The moment I held my son in my arms for the first time, I knew that I had found the missing piece in my life.  Some level of anxiety and urgency that I had been carrying with me disappeared and I found a peace that I had not previously known.  This sense of peace has been a constant since the moment my little Liam was born and I became a mother.

Liam

However, the transition from novelty seeker to mother has not always been easy for me.  While I had prided myself on my sense of adventure, mindfulness, self-care, and freedom prior to motherhood, it quickly became clear that the very foundation of how I had lived my life needed to change.  Gone were the days when I reveled in all of the possibilities that were available to me and I could choose how I wanted to fill my time.  Guaranteed free time became non-existent and every activity had to be done with full awareness that it might be abandoned part way through in order to care for my baby.  If my son was sleeping or content and I did have a free moment to shower, cook, clean, or do laundry, my focus would continue to be split between Liam and what I was doing.  The mindfulness I used to enjoy while completing tasks had been replaced with the sense that I was constantly multitasking.  The umbilical cord might have been cut, but there is an invisible bond between a mother and her baby that keeps her attention anchored to her child.  Try as I might, I could not wrench my attention away from my son to be fully present.  I struggled.

Liam

Except, when I was able to be fully focused on my son.  During these precious and frequent moments I experienced a sense of mindfulness that was sweeter than anything I had ever known before.  I drank my son in with my senses and was filled with wonder at the very sight of him.  His expressions and movements could bring tears of joy to my eyes.  When I was fully with him, enjoying the present moment we were sharing, I was fully at peace and filled with joy.  These moments together are sweeter than anything I have ever known.

Gracie

Enter my sweet little Gracie.  While I have fully adjusted to the sense of being constantly on call and being flexible about how I get my own needs met, I now have the needs of two babies to juggle.  With my second child, I have been blessed with the easiest, most adaptable baby.  She takes long naps during the day and sleeps basically through the night.  Liam, on the other hand, is now into everything.  While he is much more independent than he used to be, he is also much more apt to get himself into trouble.  So while I have double the potential for beautiful, mindful moments, I feel badly that I simply do not have the opportunities for one-on-one time for Gracie that I had with my firstborn.  After Liam and my husband have gone to bed, I savor the brief window of time I have with my little girl before she falls asleep for the night.  Then I take a few moments for myself before going to bed.

So tonight, after a full day celebrating Liam's birthday with family and friends and Gracie asleep in her swing, I contemplated my need to have a novel experience and decided to attempt a candle meditation.  With my gaze focused at the candle in front of me, I tried to clear my mind and focus my full attention on the flickering flame.    I spent a full fifteen minutes seeking out the mindfulness that I used to know but could not keep my focus away from my daughter's peaceful breathing a few feet away from me.  

While initially, I was frustrated and continued to try to force my focus back to the candle I eventually gave up, gathered my sleeping baby into my arms and tried it again.  Miraculously, with my daughter cradled against my belly, her home for those 9 months, I was able to experience a different kind of mindfulness.  While I was still fully aware of my baby girl, she felt like a part of me once again and I was able to incorporate her into the meditation.  My attention no longer felt split in two places when she was against my body.  Instead, we had a beautiful, mindful, loving novel moment.  My post-motherhood novel experiences might not be as glamorous and exciting as before, but sometimes they are exponentially more beautiful.  

Day Twenty-Nine: Stumbling Through the Night...

Thanks to the events of the past few days, I have discovered that there is a good reason interrogators use sleep deprivation as a form of torture!  Now, you may remember from earlier posts that I am no stranger to poor  or interrupted nights of sleep.  However, staying up most of the night to monitor my poor, sick, two month-old daughter for the past several days, while alternately soothing my poor, sick son when he wakes up stuffy, unable to breathe, and crying for his "mum-mum" has led me to an all time low!  It's amazing to me that I am still standing, though even that I am not doing particularly well and have the bruises to prove it!

So, it is in this zombie-like, sleep deprived state, that I have kicked off the birthday celebrations of my now two year-old son!  Two years ago today, at 4:03 a.m., my son was born and I became a mother.  Given the time he decided to arrive in this world, I should have known that I was permanently kissing a good night's sleep goodbye!  However, despite my sleep deprivation, it is clear to me that this is an auspicious occasion that deserves as much enthusiasm as I can muster.  So I sang "Happy Birthday" about a thousand times on request, greeted my extended family for an impromptu dinner out, and helped my son practice saying "I'm two, off the wall!" (a phrase he came up with all by himself!  And, really, truer words have never been spoken!)

All this forced energy came with a price that I am paying for now!  For the second night in a row, finding a novel experience has felt more like a chore than an inspired, fun activity.  All I want to do, (other than sleep), is throw on comfy yoga pants and hang out with my good friends, Ben and Jerry!  This scenario is lovely, familiar and comfortable...  but not novel in the least!  I guess the lesson here is that I become a comfort seeker in times of stress, and my desire to seek novelty vanishes!

But novelty seek I must!  So, the same criteria as last night applied:  no movement, no thought, no stress!  While aimlessly surfing the web, I stumbled upon StumbleUpon!  For those of you who are not familiar with this website, StumbleUpon matches your interests with sites on the web that you might enjoy.  As you "stumble," or look at their suggested websites, you can give each one a thumbs up or a thumbs down and the program refines its suggestions from your feedback.  You can also "discover" new websites others might be interested in and network with like-minded people to see their suggestions.  Honestly, despite my exhaustion, I found this service to be really cool!  In fact, I just might have stayed up a little bit later than I had to because I was so sucked in!  Given my level of exhaustion, that is saying a lot!

So, if you have never tried stumbling, I would recommend checking it out!    I have added the StumbleUpon widget to the sidebar of this blog.  (It's the one with the little blue "SU"!)   Not only will this allow you to try "stumbling," but you could maybe, just maybe recommend my blog, too!  (I'm going to blame this absolutely shameless hucksterism on my severe level of sleep deprivation!)  

In conclusion, despite my resistance, I once again benefited from doing something novel.  And the key was to tailor the novel experience so that it was within limits that I could tolerate and benefit from.  If I had decided to jump out of an airplane tonight, or take on any sort of frustrating task, I think the results would have been very different.  However, the good news is that novel experiences come in all shapes and sizes, and with a little creative thinking I can find one that is just right, no matter the circumstances.  I challenge you, dear reader, to do the same!

Day Twenty-Eight: Canasta!

Some days, any additional commitments, beyond those of the basic needs of my family, feel overwhelming.  Today was definitely one of those days.  So as much as my commitment to this experiment has overwhelmingly affected my life for the better, the utter exhaustion I have experienced today has made it hard for me to be motivated to do anything above and beyond what we need for survival.  Let me put things plainly:  Today I am not feeling it!  

To explain, let me give you a brief rundown of the last 24 hours...  I will make this as brief as possible:

Liam = Sick...  Hacking cough.  Is not able to breathe through his nose, and subsequently has a hard time sleeping while lying flat.  For the past few days, I have had to drive him around to get him to nap and overnights are miserable.  On a happier note, tomorrow is his 2nd Birthday, so I am busy preparing for his party this weekend and my mother is, (thankfully), in town and staying with us.

Gracie = Sick.  Hacking cough leading to violent projectile vomiting followed by gagging and choking.  Can't breathe well through nose.  Considered going to ER last night but snowstorm made travel treacherous so after consulting with the doctor we took shifts staying awake with her all night and saw the doctor today.  Just to be told to continue monitoring her 24-7.  

Me = Exhausted, stress case.      

Gracie being "steamed" in the bathroom at midnight...

So guess how psyched I was to seek out novelty tonight?  Yup.  Not very...  I knew that if I had to, I could cop out and chalk Gracie being so sick for the first time up as a novel experience.  However, a commitment is a commitment and with my mother, husband, and best friend all at the house this evening to help share the load with the kiddos, I figured I could come up with SOMETHING.  

Given my mental and physical status, it was absolutely imperative that this novel experience not be stressful...  or too far out of my comfort zone...  or require me to move...  or think...  So, after borrowing some brain power from my mother, I decided that my novel experience for tonight would be to learn how to play Canasta.  The only problem was that not one of the five other people in the house knew how to play.  After reading through several versions of the rules of the game on different websites, I determined that my brain was not functioning well enough to understand what it was I was supposed to do.  Therefore, I figured my best bet was to jump into a game online and learn as I go.  Which is exactly what I ended up doing!

After I grasped the basic game play, I actually found this experience to be enjoyable.  As I sat up with my sleeping babe, I was able to zone out a bit while still being able to remain vigilant to her needs and listen to her breathe.  The distraction from my worried thoughts was very much welcomed, and it allowed the time to pass quickly during my overnight shift.

Still, today's novel experience took a great deal of effort.  I have noticed that my motivation to seek novelty fluctuates with the events of my days.  On good days, when I get enough sleep and my basic needs get met, I tend to feel excited and enthusiastic about my quest for novelty.  However, on days when things are not going my way, novelty seeking ends up feeling like a burden. Unlike food, shelter, and sleep, experiencing novelty is a bonus.  Novel experiences are kind of like the icing on the cake of life - not essential, but it sure makes the whole thing taste better!  

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs argues that your more basic sets of needs have to be met before you can tackle the higher order needs.  As a mother, I feel like most days I am just trying to hike up Maslow's pyramid as high as I possibly can go.  Oftentimes, I don't get very far...  (It's staggering to me how long it can take to simply feed a toddler one full meal!)  However, today I got stuck at the bottom of the pyramid, only barely able to meet the basics for myself and my family...  Finding a novel experience to do on a day like today was an unnatural leap up the pyramid...  the motivation was not really there.  However, I still found that I benefited from the effort.

So now, dear readers, it's off to bed for this very tired mama!  I am very much motivated to have the novel experience of 8 full hours of sleep.  It is doubtful that tonight will be the night, but I am always willing to give it a try!

Day Twenty-Five: Beauty is Pain...

As any new mother will tell you, their morning routine and rituals change significantly after having a baby.  Gone are the days of long, leisurely, steaming hot showers and thirty minute hairstyles...  Instead, the new mother learns to take a shower in a matter of minutes, (seconds on particularly bad days!), and the wash and go hair style takes on a whole new meaning...  

For this new mama, I had barely figured out how to keep my toddler safe long enough for me to take a five minute hot water run-through before the brand new baby set me back to zero.  Lately, anything beyond the basics of shampoo and soap has slid to the point of becoming a novel experience in and of itself...  Thus, while wearing a skirt at the beach yesterday in celebration of the warmish weather, I let the wind whip through my hair...  and realized that I was feeling a similar sensation around my ankles...  Yikes!  Clearly it was time to re-institute my commitment to the Great Postpartum Defrump...  The question was how was I going to make this happen?

First, some background for those who have not been initiated into the world of the new mother's shower...  A mother of small children who wants to be able to shower on a regular basis, quickly learns that it is IMPERATIVE to become as efficient and organized as is humanly possible.  You see, every moment spent in the shower is a privilege that can be taken away without notice.  Therefore, the act of showering is transformed into a highly hierarchical routine with the most essential acts coming first and all non-essential acts being placed at the end of the list.  As a result, the probability of completing a task is directly proportional to its place in the hierarchy.  

Now this mama lives in Maine...  If you've never been to Maine in the winter let's just say that it tends to be a bit on the frigid side here.  If I leave the house at all, I am typically insulated from head to toe with only my eyes subjected to the frigid air.  I am also blond...  Unless someone is looking closely, (which hopefully they are not), no one will be able to tell whether I've shaved my legs or not.  So, shaving my legs is at the very end of my shower hierarchy.  Add to the equation the fact that I have not one, but TWO very needy, (but lovely), children, and I have about as much of a chance of shaving my legs as I do of winning the Power Ball!  

That being said, there are several compelling reasons to remedy this issue:

1.  I am very much committed to the Great Postpartum De-Frump

2. I live in a beach town, and

3. Summer is just around the corner!

So, clearly I needed a solution that was highly efficient, effective, and could be fit within the many confines of my life as I know it. I briefly entertained the option of having my legs waxed by a professional.  However, the probability of me getting to the spa is even less likely than that of getting through my shower.  (And, let's be honest here...  If I actually get the time to go to the spa, I am going to be lounging in the steam shower, sipping my ice water with blueberries, and getting a massage!)  As the spa option was ruled out, I instead decided that my novel experience for the day would be to try to wax my legs myself at home.  

Now it is appropriate to note that this experience is novel to me on two levels:  One - I've never had my legs waxed, and Two - I've never waxed anything myself.  Prior to having children, the pain rumored to be involved in this process was never worth the time I would save by not having to shave my legs.  However, I have since gone through natural childbirth, with no pain management, on two occasions.  On one of these occasions, I had to be induced, which made the contractions particularly frequent and awful, was in labor for 23 hours, and ultimately gave birth to a 9 lb 3 oz baby.  I reasoned that if I could tolerate that level of pain, waxing my own legs should be child's play.

So, with my son and husband asleep and Gracie content in her swing, I microwaved my sugar wax as instructed and set to work.  

And, yes, it was a painful process... it is clearly not for the faint hearted!  But it was faster than it would take me to complete my pre-baby shower routine... And it is rumored to leave my legs hair-free for weeks!  If this is true, then I truly might have hit the new mother jackpot!  I guess I'll find out in a week or two.  In the meantime, there's one less thing on the shower hierarchy list and one more item on the list of novel experiences that might not remain very novel!

Day Fifteen: Subpoenas and Audits and Forms, Oh My!

Well, I may be on maternity leave in theory but I've had a string of bad luck when it comes to things related to my business popping up that need my immediate response and attention.  I joke that I only get subpoenaed when I'm pregnant or on maternity leave...  But that's not really a joke.  I really HAVE only been subpoenaed for child custody cases twice:  Once when they wanted me to testify in court after having finished up at work, fully 9 months pregnant and ready to pop; and the other time, (now), when I have just given birth. Let me tell you, finding an outfit and shoes suitable for court in either of these conditions has been no small feat!  

This maternity "leave" I have been doubly lucky as the same week that I was spending hours talking with lawyers by phone, I also got notice of being audited by an insurance billing agency, (who was aware that I was on maternity leave),  and was given a 5 day response window!  Thanks, guys!  And then, when I thought my work-life couldn't become any more invasive, I received a mountain of paperwork from another agency that needed to be filled out now.  So, needless to say, I've had some things to deal with lately other than my children and this experiment!  And, I will admit, I have had some self-pitying, chocolate eating moments as a result...

The upside to this, however, is that I actually got to leave the house today without any children in tow!  In fact, I was able to be completely alone.  There was not another soul in my car with me!  So with child-inappropriate music blaring at a near-deafening volume, I drove away from my house as a completely separate entity from my children, husband and dog for the first time in nearly two months!  I was free!  This was practically a novel experience in and of itself!

After completing the work that needed to be done at my office, I sat down on my comfy couch, took a deep breath, and stared off into space.  Prior to this, I had never really understood what was meant when people described silence as "deafening."  However, at that moment my ears were literally ringing with quiet.  It was quite lovely, actually!  Sensing an opportunity for novelty, I looked around my office to see what I could find to complete today's task and found...

NOTHING!  It appears that every book, drawer, and basket is filled with things that I have used on multiple occasions.  I clearly have spent too much time in my office!  As I was about to cry Uncle and head back into the fray, I remembered an exercise that my friend Beth, (of coconut cheesecake with passion fruit glaze fame), had taken part in at a training at Kripalu.  

Now I have no idea who taught her this exercise, or if it can be found in a book somewhere, so my apologies about not giving the proper people credit.  However, when she described this simple but profound exercise to me I had filed it away in my brain so that I could try it during my next quiet moment...  That filing happened, oh, like, a year ago...  And that anticipated moment had finally arrived!

The exercise is simple, really:  

1.  Take a piece of paper and list the activities you take part in in a typical day in your life.  

2.  Next to each activity mark whether it is self-nurturing/energizing, neutral or draining.  

3.  Review and contemplate.

Despite the fact that I've been bemoaning having to work during my maternity leave, this exercise shed some light on how good my life actually is right now.  The vast majority of my time is spent taking part in activities that are self-nurturing, energizing, or neutral.  And, when draining activities happen, often they would actually be neutral or even enjoyable if it weren't for the fact that I was trying to multitask.  Like, for instance, when I'm trying to start a load of laundry while keeping an eye on my toddler so that he doesn't try to hit his sister with his stuffed Elmo.  Or, when I'm trying to dress Gracie while Liam is trying to rip pages out of his bedtime anthology.  So, the take home message from this activity - if I can do it mindfully, without trying to do other things at the same time, almost anything I have to do in my day-to-day maternity leave life can feel rewarding rather than draining.  (I say this as I type this blog while rocking my infant to sleep in her bassinet with my foot...  But I digress!) 

And what about all of these out of the ordinary work-related activities that take me away from spending this precious time with my kids?  Trying to motivate a toddler day in and day out has taught me that attitude is everything.  If you are enthusiastic and make it fun, he will be more than thrilled to do any little chore you give to him and he will put his all into savoring the experience.  In fact, he will run back to me chanting "more" and will be disappointed if I can't find something else for him to do!  It's when we tell ourselves that something is unpleasant that it actually becomes that way!  So, I guess, my attitude has kind of sucked!

I was once told that looking at your stressors as challenges to be faced was one of three things that people who manage their stress well do. In a way, this experiment allows me the venue to make things that I would normally dread or think of as unpleasant seem more like a fun challenge.  For instance, if I actually end up having to testify in person in court, (which I got out of at the last minute last time around.  No one wanted the therapist to go into labor on the stand!), that will certainly count as a novel experience.  And I find that thinking of this as a novel experience to add to my life list makes me feel more curious than anxious.   So looking at testifying within the context of this novelty embracing experiment makes it seem a bit, well, fun?!  Weird, I know!  But I find that as I get more and more in the habit of orienting my life toward seeking novelty, even things I'm afraid of seem less terrible.  I don't think I'll be jumping out of an airplane anytime soon...  but you never know!     

Day Ten: I Need Cheesecake...

Ahh, Cheesecake!  This delectable little dessert has played an important role in my life for as long as I can remember.  Not only is it one of my favorite desserts, but in high school cheesecake became something of a code word amongst my girlfriends for "I'm having a hard time and we need to gorge ourselves with cheesecake and talk about it."  There has been many a tear shed over New York style cheesecake smothered in strawberries at our favorite local restaurant.  Occasionally, there still are!

So it might be surprising to learn that I have never, in fact, made my own cheesecake.  I have had to pay people to make one or have relied on the kindness of others to get my cheesecake fix.  So when the call went out on facebook that there was a need for cheesecake, I decided to remedy this problem.  Thus, the concept of a cheesecake tasting party was created and planned.  And the big day is tomorrow!.  Despite the fact that we are hosting said tasting party, my husband has publicly stated on facebook his intention of boycotting our party if there will not be a key lime cheesecake.  So my mission has been clear.  Key lime cheesecake, here we come!

To make this novel experience happen, I first needed to face a fear and have another novel experience:  taking both children to the grocery store without backup!  So I piled the children in the car and off we went.  

My first painful discover occurred when I got to the store and found that there were NO TODDLER CARTS.  I'm not sure if that's the official terminology for the carts with the little car in front where you can strap your little monster in for a ride, but whatever they're called, there was not one to be seen.  Therefore, I had to improvise...

Dance!  Dance!

I inserted the largest version of this photo so that you can note certain details of this experience:  the food stuffed into the tiny space next to the car seat so it will be inaccessible to my toddler...  the relatively small size of the cart, the biggest they had available...  the fact that my son is in motion in this photo...  Immediately after i took this photo, my son stood up and announced his intention to dance to the muzak pumping out of the grocery store's speakers.  Several moments later he tried to pull a bottle of wine off of a display.  Good times!

So I ran through the store as quickly as I  could, grabbing key limes, cream cheese, and a pre-made crust and headed to the check out.  My son had taken a particular liking to the two bags of key limes and initially refused to give them to the cashier.  The cashier looked at my son on the verge of a meltdown and took inventory of the ingredients in my cart with visible sympathy.  In an effort to be helpful, she shook her head and said, "It's not worth making a key lime pie from scratch.  We have some in the bakery."  True story!  But my resolve was not shaken.  I handed her my credit card...  and it was denied!  Looks like identity theft might be another novel experience for me to have today!  Finally, everything was paid for and we were on the road with ingredients in hand.

The Official Holder of the Key Limes

By the time I'd sorted out the credit card issue and dealt with the other responsibilities of my day, it was getting late.  So with my youngest in the front pack, and my toddler safely in bed, I set out to get the 2/3 cup of key lime juice needed for the recipe I was following.  Now, I don't know if you've ever had the pleasure of working with key limes, but they are tiny.  And, I was finding, they are also virtually juiceless.  I went through an entire bag of key limes using an actual citrus juicer and still only managed to get half of the juice called for.  With my finger stinging from a "zesting" incident and my hands dry and raw from an hour of juicing, I made an executive decision to risk my husband's attendance at our party.  (Sorry, honey!)  It took exactly one traditional lime and one lemon to equal the juice I had gotten from a bag of key limes and, from this point on, the preparation of my LEMON-LIME cheesecake went along swimmingly.  I had the cheesecake in the oven by 10:00 pm and cooling in the refrigerator by 11:00.  Success was mine!

One of the main reasons I'm having so much fun with this experiment is that I am learning all sorts of interesting factoids from my adventures.  Today's interesting factoid was brought to you by my husband, (after I had gone through the hassles of juicing a bazillion key limes with an infant in the front pack, of course).  Here it is:

Apparently, you can buy key limes PRE-JUICED at our local grocery store.  While I did look for bottled key lime juice in the produce section by the actual limes, apparently it is housed in the alcoholic beverage aisle.  Go figure!  Oh well, live and learn!

Day Five: Strawberry Cake and Haiku

Today I felt energized to do something completely outside of my normal realm of experience.  As I find my life becoming more and more oriented to this project, I start each day with an idea of what I'd like to do the most.  So far, I think I've managed to implement my plan, um...  exactly Zero times. 

It's not, (usually), because I am fickle... Or unmotivated... Or lazy...  It's more that my life isn't really set up to be doing something like this.  I'm no Paris Hilton.  You won't find me jetsetting around the world with unlimited funds and time on my hands.  Instead, I'm the mother of a newborn and toddler.  I typically run a private, one-woman psychotherapy practice and work 30+ hours a week, (and will be returning to this schedule before I know it.)  And, right now, without my income, our family's funds are incredibly tight. 

Rule number one of this project is to have a completely novel experience everyday.  However, rule number two is to do this in such a way that my family's needs are never compromised.  So, while I typically start my day with a plan for creating novelty, I invariably end up finding myself on the mommy treadmill:  changing diapers, kissing boo-boos, nursing infants, and soothing toddlers to sleep.  And I love every minute of it!  However, to maintain my, (high), standards for myself as a mother, I am finding that flexibility is key to the sucess of this project.  Hold that thought...  I need to find my daughter's pacifier.

Ok...  As I was saying...  Flexibility...  At this point in the project I now have a mental list of options that I carry around with me.  Some are time consuming, some can be fit into a few minutes.  Some can be done right away, some take preparation.  Some can include other people, and others need to be done when I am alone.  And some just arise naturally and unexpectedly as I go about my life.  But thankfully, I usually feel like I have a plan B when my plan A invariably goes south.  While I hope to eventually have some more extravagent novel experiences in the future, right now, I hope my limitations can actually show my readers that finding novelty can happen within any lifestyle, schedule, or income level.

That being said, my plan for today once again needed to be put on hold and the day was drawing to an end.  A birthday celebration for a family member did unexpectedly lead to a novel experience:  Strawberry cake with strawberry frosting!  And it was delicious.  But while I technically had my novel experience covered for the day, I felt that using food once again was a bit of a cop out.  As we drove home that evening, my husband asked me if he could come up with another novel experience for me to do today, and offered to do bedtime solo so that I could do it.  I tentatively agreed, reserving the right to veto if necessary, and was surprised when he suggested that I...  write a haiku poem for each of our children...  Seriously?!  Where did that come from?!

than I had thought.  A season must be selected, imagery must be included, there must be a contrast made, and all must be done within a mere 17 syllables.  So I set to work, and here's what I came up with:

A quick google search proved that there was much more to writing a haiku

Liam

On a clear, still day
He is glimmering sunshine
that lights up the world.

Gracie

The snow falls softly
she is warm tranquility,
by rushing waters



It's probably not perfect, but I'm actually kind of pleased with the results and had fun doing this.  I'm thinking I might even make something crafty for my children using each of their poems... but that's for another day!       

Day Three - Hula Dancing in the Snow

Today brought with it some additional challenges to experiencing novelty.  The state of Maine found itself pummelled by snow, which has NOT been a novel experience this winter!  The forecast made it abundantly clear that I would be stuck in the house for the day with my husband, my BFF, (who trekked over with coffee), two children under two, and a 110 lb dog.  I was going to have to find novel experiences within my own domain.  Yikes!

It readily became clear that the greater challenge was going to be finding the time and space to attend to any planned activity in this very hectic, needy, mommy-focused environment!  That afternoon, in the first moments of quiet that I was able to carve out for myself, I made my first attempt at novelty:  A small "do-it-yourself-in-fifteen-minutes" home improvement project that had been sitting unattended for weeks. 

After fifteen minutes had passed I had managed to pry open the packaging, found that I was utterly confused by step one, and realized that we lacked the necessary, (and very basic), tools needed to complete the project.  The fact that messing up step one would likely end in my electrocution solidified my decision to attempt this at a different time with appropriate parental supervision.  First attempt at novelty = FAIL!

By the time I had found another free moment to dedicate to this project it was 9:00 pm.  I had decided to take on a small craft project that had been gifted to me two years earlier.  It was entirely novel to me!  I had all necessary tools!  No risk of life or limb was involved!   It was perfect!  So I pulled out the supplies, did a google search about what to do, and... my son woke up screaming after blowing out his diaper all over the bed...

The next two hours passed quickly as my husband and I traded fussy, tired children to soothe and attend to...  And, when all was quiet once again, I found myself in the final hour of the day.  Crap!  Was I really going to fail on day three???

Oh, Hell, no!  My stubborn determination kicked in.  I silently reviewed my options, came up with a decidedly lame, but novel idea and was about to make it happen when my gaze happened to fall upon a VHS tape, still in its plastic wrapper, by my ancient DVD/VCR player. 



I honestly had forgotten that I even had this tape, despite the fact that it has been in front of my face for Lord only knows how long!.  You see, for a long time now exercise in general has been more or less a novel experience all on its own.  Morning sickness and my pregnant enoromo-bod made exercise cumbersome, if not fully impossible for the better part of nine months.  Postpartum exercise had only been Ok'd by my doctor a few days before.  And, though I have a number of extended family members who currently live in Hawaii, I've never had the pleasure of visiting and taking the requisite hula lesson.  The thirty minute workout/lesson was the perfect novel experience for the day!

I popped in the tape, my husband settled into the couch for the show, and I began to hula my way back to my svelter, pre-pregnancy body.  Through the tape, I learned some basic hula moves, a little bit of background information, and a fully choreographed hula dance:  the Sunshine Hula.  By the end of the workout, I was not quite a well-oiled hula machine and had given my poor, ravaged core muscles a well-needed workout (and my husband a good laugh for the night!)  I can't promise you that I will ever hula in my home again, and it's unlikely to become a regular part of my exercise routine...  But it was a great way to end a cold and snowy day in Maine!

Day One - Revising and Revisiting History

OK.  So I lied.  There was actually a much more important novel experience that occurred for me on Day One, but I didn't blog about it because I wasn't absolutely certain that it actually had happened.  Sometimes these things can just be a reaction to gas.  But the next morning, when my 6-week-old daughter woke up with a radiant smile on her face, it confirmed without question that I had, in fact, witnessed her first, fully awake social smile!  As a new mom, this is about the best novel experience I can imagine having on day one of my experiment!

My contemplations prior to becoming a mother is actually where the story of this project begins...  When I was pregnant with my son, I was doing a lot of reading about anything and everything related to pregnancy, birth, and developmental psychology.  This might be a good time to make an important confession to my readers:  I am a nerd.  It isn't always immediately apparent to people upon first glance, but I can only hide it for so long before it becomes readily apparent that underneath my normal looking exterior is a complete and utter nerd who is perhaps more than a tad bit neurotic.  Given this unavoidable fact, it shouldn't be too surprising to discover that I was actually doing some reading about genetics because somehow this was going to help me to accurately predict and prepare for the physical traits and personality features of my son before he was born... Right?  Right... 

Anyhow, while attempting this futile task I came across an article about the possibility that "novelty seeking" might be genetic.  As is usually the case when researching on the web, this led to the discovery of more articles about a novelty or experiencing seeking personality.  And it didn't take me long to realize that I definitely had this genetic makeup...  and this personality type. 

I had always sympathized with the thrill-seeking personality.  Throughout my life, boredom has been my biggest enemy.  I'd rather be sad or angry than bored or stagnant.  However, I've known for a fact that I wasn't the type of person who needed, (or wanted), to jump out of a plane and risk life and limb for an adrenaline rush.  In truth, I'm more than a little scared of heights.  However, with the discovery that the thrill seeker had a meeker, more neurotic cousin I had finally found my tribe.  The experience seeker and the thrill seeker share a biologically based need for novelty, but the experience seeker has a lower tolerance for risk so we fulfill our needs in different ways. 

A few months later, it became apparent that my equally nerdy BFF, Angela, had been doing her own research and pondering about novelty.  Our conversations led to the envisioning of the Novel Experience Experiment and the different ways that we could document the personal impact of this journey.  Originally, the plan was that Angela would take on the challenge and I would silently support her in the background.  However, life and other responsibilities prevented her from starting this project, and it sat untouched for over a year.  So I am now taking on the role of guinea pig and my journey begins with the smiling face of my newborn daughter.  Let the novelty seeking begin!