Day Six: Facing my Commitment Issues

Come to find out, I love blogging!  It allows me to gather mementos from my day, archive my experiences and organize my thoughts about all the happenings I might have had.  I also find that I go through my day feeling a bit like a witness or observer of my own life.  In therapy we try to teach our clients how to access this state of mind, as it allows for a greater level of mindfulness and subsequently control over one's own behaviors.  I don't know if I've attained greater self-control, but my life seems somehow more coherent when I see my day as part of an ongoing story to be told.  So, I guess what I'm getting at is I think I might continue with this project despite the anxieties I've continued to harbor. 

Here, again, is the key difference between the thrill seeker and the novelty seeker:  I am not a huge risk taker.  While I operate well under pressure, and people can be amazed by my calm exterior in crisis situations, I tend to avoid things that make me anxious.  These things include heights, dentists, snakes, judgment and criticism.  Sharing what I'm doing on Facebook makes sense as a first step, however do I really want to open myself up to the judgment of not only my closest friends and family, but also to that kid I sat next to in third grade, my mechanic, my high school "frenemy" who used to, as my teenage clients would put it, "run her mouth" about me behind my back, and several ex-boyfriends...  Yikes!

That being said, I'm enjoying myself...  A lot!  And I don't want to let my aversion to the risk of being judged stop me from doing something that I love.  So I guess I've committed myself to this project and this blog for the next 359 days of my life.  Let the adventure begin!

As I've decided that I'm going to complete this experiment, today's novel experience was to obtain a copyright for my blog.  I'm not sure it's entirely necessary, but did you catch that part about me not being a risk taker?  I've heard too many stories of people's writing being stolen online and sometimes used in ways that they did not approve of.  Better safe than sorry!

There are several different ways to copyright material, and supposedly anything you write is immediately protected by copyright.  Even so, I have obtained or begun to pursue the three protections that I learned of.  I won't bore you with the details, but I will post the links I found to be most useful in the Nerd's Corner for those who might be interested in learning more about how to do this. 

So here is one type of copyright that I obtained today:

The Novel Experience Experiment by Christy A. Cole-Burrows is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Isn't she beautiful?! 

Ironically enough, while I was writing the first draft of this post I received an email from a friend of mine who teaches a college course on Positive Psychology asking if she could use my blog with her students!  Very flattering and exciting!  However, there's really no turning back now!

© 2011 Christy A. Cole-Burrows  All Rights Reserved.

Day Five: Strawberry Cake and Haiku

Today I felt energized to do something completely outside of my normal realm of experience.  As I find my life becoming more and more oriented to this project, I start each day with an idea of what I'd like to do the most.  So far, I think I've managed to implement my plan, um...  exactly Zero times. 

It's not, (usually), because I am fickle... Or unmotivated... Or lazy...  It's more that my life isn't really set up to be doing something like this.  I'm no Paris Hilton.  You won't find me jetsetting around the world with unlimited funds and time on my hands.  Instead, I'm the mother of a newborn and toddler.  I typically run a private, one-woman psychotherapy practice and work 30+ hours a week, (and will be returning to this schedule before I know it.)  And, right now, without my income, our family's funds are incredibly tight. 

Rule number one of this project is to have a completely novel experience everyday.  However, rule number two is to do this in such a way that my family's needs are never compromised.  So, while I typically start my day with a plan for creating novelty, I invariably end up finding myself on the mommy treadmill:  changing diapers, kissing boo-boos, nursing infants, and soothing toddlers to sleep.  And I love every minute of it!  However, to maintain my, (high), standards for myself as a mother, I am finding that flexibility is key to the sucess of this project.  Hold that thought...  I need to find my daughter's pacifier.

Ok...  As I was saying...  Flexibility...  At this point in the project I now have a mental list of options that I carry around with me.  Some are time consuming, some can be fit into a few minutes.  Some can be done right away, some take preparation.  Some can include other people, and others need to be done when I am alone.  And some just arise naturally and unexpectedly as I go about my life.  But thankfully, I usually feel like I have a plan B when my plan A invariably goes south.  While I hope to eventually have some more extravagent novel experiences in the future, right now, I hope my limitations can actually show my readers that finding novelty can happen within any lifestyle, schedule, or income level.

That being said, my plan for today once again needed to be put on hold and the day was drawing to an end.  A birthday celebration for a family member did unexpectedly lead to a novel experience:  Strawberry cake with strawberry frosting!  And it was delicious.  But while I technically had my novel experience covered for the day, I felt that using food once again was a bit of a cop out.  As we drove home that evening, my husband asked me if he could come up with another novel experience for me to do today, and offered to do bedtime solo so that I could do it.  I tentatively agreed, reserving the right to veto if necessary, and was surprised when he suggested that I...  write a haiku poem for each of our children...  Seriously?!  Where did that come from?!

than I had thought.  A season must be selected, imagery must be included, there must be a contrast made, and all must be done within a mere 17 syllables.  So I set to work, and here's what I came up with:

A quick google search proved that there was much more to writing a haiku

Liam

On a clear, still day
He is glimmering sunshine
that lights up the world.

Gracie

The snow falls softly
she is warm tranquility,
by rushing waters



It's probably not perfect, but I'm actually kind of pleased with the results and had fun doing this.  I'm thinking I might even make something crafty for my children using each of their poems... but that's for another day!       

Day Four: Ravioli Improves the Moment - Again!

After yesterday's success under pressure, I awoke feeling much more confident about my ability to manage this project.  If I could pull out a, (actually pretty cool if I do say so myself), novel experience with all of the limitations I had had the day before, a normal day should be a piece of cake!  With the sun shining through my bedroom window, I began to get excited about all of the possibilities for novelty this day might bring.  After all, I was actually going to be able to leave the house! 

As I lay in bed anticipating my upcoming day, I could tell that this project had already changed me in subtle ways.  I faced my day with a level of energy and sense of adventure that I hadn't been able to access for quite some time. So after making sure that the family was rested, fed, and dressed, we set out for a drive to the local beach.

The beach was gorgeous, as usual, and, with the chilly February temperatures it was virtually empty.  Now I am a warm weather, high humidity kind of person.  Why I've chosen to live in New England for my entire life is a mystery that I try to unravel on a daily basis throughout these long, cold, dark months.  So, when I found myself offering to take my toddler for a short jaunt on the beach despite the frigid temperature, it was clear to me that something about me was a little off.  In my quest to experience novelty, I had started to adopt an attitude of both seeking and taking opportunities, novel or not, and I was reaping the rewards of this new approach to life! 

As I watched my son pick up shells, I started to think about the concept of "Improving the Moment" that comes from Marsha Linehan's brilliant work with Dialectical Behavior Therapy.  (And... FYI... This is not poetic license.  I actually had this thought at the beach...  Again, did I mention that I am a total nerd?!)  The idea is that if people take the effort to do little things that make an experience more poignant, enjoyable, and/or meaningful, they will be less likely to experience depression.  For instance, the decision to light candles and play soft music during a dinner improves the experience of that meal, (and perhaps your chances of getting lucky afterwards!)  In this situation, the concept could be better applied to my choice to put on a warm hat while outside.  However, the moment when I made the choice to leave the car, and other moments when I took maximum advantage of the opportunities presented to me, had improved my day immensely.

With this moment improving mindset firmly in place, I quickly agreed to stop for lunch at one of our favorite restaurants.  With all of the focus on novelty, going to a familiar family haunt would be a welcome break.  Little did I know that this day's best opportunity for novelty would arise in a place where I've sat in every booth and know the menu by heart!  Come to find out, in our postpartum absence, the restaurant had created a specials menu just for the month of February.  And there, on that menu, was an opportunity that was simply too good to pass by.

Yes.  Your eyes do not deceive you!  For the second time this week I am having a novel experience with ravioli. This time, however, the ravioli was found on the dessert menu:  Fried pumpkin ravioli served hot with cinammon sugar and butter pecan ice cream!  Ravioli as a DESSERT!  As I had just had ravioli with fruit as an entree two days before, I briefly considered letting this opportunity slide.  But the menu was expiring in a few days.  It was now or never, and how could I pass up something that was just so...  well...  novel!  So, foregoing the chocolate lava cake, we ordered the ravioli dessert with three spoons.  And...  it was no chocolate lava cake, but it was pretty darn good! 

So today was all about doing unusual things in my usual places.  The time spent on the beach was in no way novel, but I'm finding that there's a novelty-seeking spirit that makes everything I do feel more like an adventure.  It's only day four, but I feel like I'm embarking on a life-altering journey and I'm excited to see where it takes me.

Day Three - Hula Dancing in the Snow

Today brought with it some additional challenges to experiencing novelty.  The state of Maine found itself pummelled by snow, which has NOT been a novel experience this winter!  The forecast made it abundantly clear that I would be stuck in the house for the day with my husband, my BFF, (who trekked over with coffee), two children under two, and a 110 lb dog.  I was going to have to find novel experiences within my own domain.  Yikes!

It readily became clear that the greater challenge was going to be finding the time and space to attend to any planned activity in this very hectic, needy, mommy-focused environment!  That afternoon, in the first moments of quiet that I was able to carve out for myself, I made my first attempt at novelty:  A small "do-it-yourself-in-fifteen-minutes" home improvement project that had been sitting unattended for weeks. 

After fifteen minutes had passed I had managed to pry open the packaging, found that I was utterly confused by step one, and realized that we lacked the necessary, (and very basic), tools needed to complete the project.  The fact that messing up step one would likely end in my electrocution solidified my decision to attempt this at a different time with appropriate parental supervision.  First attempt at novelty = FAIL!

By the time I had found another free moment to dedicate to this project it was 9:00 pm.  I had decided to take on a small craft project that had been gifted to me two years earlier.  It was entirely novel to me!  I had all necessary tools!  No risk of life or limb was involved!   It was perfect!  So I pulled out the supplies, did a google search about what to do, and... my son woke up screaming after blowing out his diaper all over the bed...

The next two hours passed quickly as my husband and I traded fussy, tired children to soothe and attend to...  And, when all was quiet once again, I found myself in the final hour of the day.  Crap!  Was I really going to fail on day three???

Oh, Hell, no!  My stubborn determination kicked in.  I silently reviewed my options, came up with a decidedly lame, but novel idea and was about to make it happen when my gaze happened to fall upon a VHS tape, still in its plastic wrapper, by my ancient DVD/VCR player. 



I honestly had forgotten that I even had this tape, despite the fact that it has been in front of my face for Lord only knows how long!.  You see, for a long time now exercise in general has been more or less a novel experience all on its own.  Morning sickness and my pregnant enoromo-bod made exercise cumbersome, if not fully impossible for the better part of nine months.  Postpartum exercise had only been Ok'd by my doctor a few days before.  And, though I have a number of extended family members who currently live in Hawaii, I've never had the pleasure of visiting and taking the requisite hula lesson.  The thirty minute workout/lesson was the perfect novel experience for the day!

I popped in the tape, my husband settled into the couch for the show, and I began to hula my way back to my svelter, pre-pregnancy body.  Through the tape, I learned some basic hula moves, a little bit of background information, and a fully choreographed hula dance:  the Sunshine Hula.  By the end of the workout, I was not quite a well-oiled hula machine and had given my poor, ravaged core muscles a well-needed workout (and my husband a good laugh for the night!)  I can't promise you that I will ever hula in my home again, and it's unlikely to become a regular part of my exercise routine...  But it was a great way to end a cold and snowy day in Maine!

Day Two - A Day in the Life...

So today I jumped out of an airplane...  Well, not really!  I lied again.  But doesn't this seem like the way this project should have begun - with some sort of grand gesture on my part? 

I actually decided that my first day embracing this project should take the exact opposite approach.  While I considered planning out some sort of amazing feat, I decided that it would be more useful for me to just live my life and see what happened. 

You see, I'm having commitment issues with my blog today.  In fact, I've considered throwing in the towel multiple times and have accessed every excuse in the book.  Some of them are really good excuses, too!  Like the fact that I am the mother of two children under the age of two...  And the fact that I am halfway through my maternity leave and very soon I will also have to run my private psychotherapy business in addition to parenting said children...  And the fact that being self-employed and on maternity leave in this country means that we have no money to speak of to try new things with...  So day two ended up being a test to see about the viability of this project.  If I could sometimes  find novel experiences in a typical boring day, then my chances of success would be multiplied exponentially.  Would enough opportunities for novelty present themselves in my normal, quite mundane day-to-day life? 

So off I went, going through the motions of my normal routines and waiting to see what, if anything, would happen.  My first novel experience of the day was having to stop at a local train crossing for the first time that I can remember.  It's possible that I've had to stop before.  Probable, even.  However, this time I had my 23-month-old son in the car with me and he was enthralled.

Having children allows you to look at things with new eyes.  This is one of the things I love most about being a mother.  The little things in life that I might not even notice are brand new and exciting to my little boy.  In fact, he starts out every day by running to our full length mirror, checking out whatever outfit I've dressed him in, and shouting "Wow!"  If only we all felt so good while looking at ourselves in the mirror! 

The Buddhists say that when we look at the world in this way, we are accessing our "beginner's mind."  Having an experience while being fully present, or mindful, allows us to see everything as new and wonderful.  So this time when the train went by I paid attention and rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, I was able to access my inner two-year-old.  Wow!

That evening my husband and I decided to brave going out to eat with two children under the age of two.  With the exception of the period of time when I went to change my daughter's diaper in the restroom and could hear my son screaming "Mum-Mum" at the top of his lungs from the other end of the restaurant, the dinner went well.  This allowed me to truly enjoy novel experience number two - Butternut Squash Ravioli in a Maple Butter Sauce. 

Yes, those are pears,cranberries, and walnuts sitting atop that yummy ravioli goodness!  It was delicious!  And I am quite certain that I have never before consumed a pasta dish that is topped with fruits rather than vegetables.  Oh, the culinary wonders this project will allow me to taste!

Finally, the day ended with a family reunion...  over Skype.  My son is incredibly close to my mother who is currently living down south for the winter.  For three weeks after the birth of our daughter, Grandma never left little Liam's side and he's missed her terribly since she's returned to her home.  This was the first time I've used Skype in this capacity and it was heart warming.  We're looking forward to having Grandma read him his bedtime stories sometime in the near future!

So did enough opportunities for novelty present themselves within my normal, quiet, day-to-day life?  In the end, the answer was a resounding "yes!"  I can't tell you that any earth-shattering, life-altering opportunities arose for me, but it wasn't as hard to find novel experiences as I had originally imagined it might be.  I know that some days I'll have to identify and plan for novel activities ahead of time; some experiences I may have to start preparations for well in advance; but ocassionally, things will just happen organically. 

So, in conclusion, my commitment issues have eased up a bit.  There are still very real barriers to me making this relationship work, but everything worth doing is a challenge!  So, while I'm not yet married to this blog, I guess at the very least we're dating exclusively and only time will tell where this relationship is headed! 

Day One - Revising and Revisiting History

OK.  So I lied.  There was actually a much more important novel experience that occurred for me on Day One, but I didn't blog about it because I wasn't absolutely certain that it actually had happened.  Sometimes these things can just be a reaction to gas.  But the next morning, when my 6-week-old daughter woke up with a radiant smile on her face, it confirmed without question that I had, in fact, witnessed her first, fully awake social smile!  As a new mom, this is about the best novel experience I can imagine having on day one of my experiment!

My contemplations prior to becoming a mother is actually where the story of this project begins...  When I was pregnant with my son, I was doing a lot of reading about anything and everything related to pregnancy, birth, and developmental psychology.  This might be a good time to make an important confession to my readers:  I am a nerd.  It isn't always immediately apparent to people upon first glance, but I can only hide it for so long before it becomes readily apparent that underneath my normal looking exterior is a complete and utter nerd who is perhaps more than a tad bit neurotic.  Given this unavoidable fact, it shouldn't be too surprising to discover that I was actually doing some reading about genetics because somehow this was going to help me to accurately predict and prepare for the physical traits and personality features of my son before he was born... Right?  Right... 

Anyhow, while attempting this futile task I came across an article about the possibility that "novelty seeking" might be genetic.  As is usually the case when researching on the web, this led to the discovery of more articles about a novelty or experiencing seeking personality.  And it didn't take me long to realize that I definitely had this genetic makeup...  and this personality type. 

I had always sympathized with the thrill-seeking personality.  Throughout my life, boredom has been my biggest enemy.  I'd rather be sad or angry than bored or stagnant.  However, I've known for a fact that I wasn't the type of person who needed, (or wanted), to jump out of a plane and risk life and limb for an adrenaline rush.  In truth, I'm more than a little scared of heights.  However, with the discovery that the thrill seeker had a meeker, more neurotic cousin I had finally found my tribe.  The experience seeker and the thrill seeker share a biologically based need for novelty, but the experience seeker has a lower tolerance for risk so we fulfill our needs in different ways. 

A few months later, it became apparent that my equally nerdy BFF, Angela, had been doing her own research and pondering about novelty.  Our conversations led to the envisioning of the Novel Experience Experiment and the different ways that we could document the personal impact of this journey.  Originally, the plan was that Angela would take on the challenge and I would silently support her in the background.  However, life and other responsibilities prevented her from starting this project, and it sat untouched for over a year.  So I am now taking on the role of guinea pig and my journey begins with the smiling face of my newborn daughter.  Let the novelty seeking begin!

Day One - Auspicious Beginnings!

It all started with trashy TV night... I suppose this is not the most glamorous way to receive life-altering messages from the universe, however there is no way to sugar coat the truth here. My best friend, Angela and I were curled up on the couch, eating Ben and Jerry's directly from the carton, and were watching... well... OK... we were watching a reality television show about a Playboy bunny.

Let me redeem myself for a moment by letting you know that in my normal life I don't even have a subscription to cable, let alone a reality television addiction. My husband and I cancelled our service after the birth of our son, and it's been almost two years since we've had easy access to this quality of television programming. However, there I was at our mutual friend's house taking advantage of her premium cable subscription while she was out of town doing work for her educational nonprofit in an economically disadvantaged country. She was saving the world, we were watching trashy television.

In much the same way that people read Playboy for the articles, it was the storyline that captured our interest and kept us watching. One of the characters was having panic attacks and subsequently decided to comparison shop for a psychotherapist. I just happen to be a psychotherapist who specializes in treating panic attacks, (among other things), so we settled in to see what these therapists would say and do. While we were critiquing our colleagues, a brief shift of the camera caught a sign hanging up in one of the therapist's offices that stated, "What would you do if you were guaranteed not to fail?" And without realizing it at the time, this question led to a line of thinking and chain of events that has culminated in the launching of this project and blog.

What would you do if you were guaranteed not to fail? This question stuck with me for days... I statused about it on Facebook... I had conversations about it with family and friends... I posted it on my business page... and I thought about how I would answer it for myself. I knew what I would do if I was guaranteed success. Answering this question was the easy part for me. It was the question that logically followed that started to haunt me: WHY THE HECK DO YOU NEED TO BE GUARANTEED SUCCESS TO GIVE IT A TRY?

So here I sit, launching the Novel Experience Experiment. For a variety of psychological and personal reasons that I'm sure I'll get into in the future, I am taking on the challenge of exposing myself to, (at least), one brand new experience a day for the next year and will be documenting my activities on this blog. (And, by the way, creating this blog for the sake of blogging rather than business, is the first of 365 novel experiences I will be having!) I look forward to the challenges ahead and hope that you will consider joining me on this journey!