Day Fifteen: Subpoenas and Audits and Forms, Oh My!

Well, I may be on maternity leave in theory but I've had a string of bad luck when it comes to things related to my business popping up that need my immediate response and attention.  I joke that I only get subpoenaed when I'm pregnant or on maternity leave...  But that's not really a joke.  I really HAVE only been subpoenaed for child custody cases twice:  Once when they wanted me to testify in court after having finished up at work, fully 9 months pregnant and ready to pop; and the other time, (now), when I have just given birth. Let me tell you, finding an outfit and shoes suitable for court in either of these conditions has been no small feat!  

This maternity "leave" I have been doubly lucky as the same week that I was spending hours talking with lawyers by phone, I also got notice of being audited by an insurance billing agency, (who was aware that I was on maternity leave),  and was given a 5 day response window!  Thanks, guys!  And then, when I thought my work-life couldn't become any more invasive, I received a mountain of paperwork from another agency that needed to be filled out now.  So, needless to say, I've had some things to deal with lately other than my children and this experiment!  And, I will admit, I have had some self-pitying, chocolate eating moments as a result...

The upside to this, however, is that I actually got to leave the house today without any children in tow!  In fact, I was able to be completely alone.  There was not another soul in my car with me!  So with child-inappropriate music blaring at a near-deafening volume, I drove away from my house as a completely separate entity from my children, husband and dog for the first time in nearly two months!  I was free!  This was practically a novel experience in and of itself!

After completing the work that needed to be done at my office, I sat down on my comfy couch, took a deep breath, and stared off into space.  Prior to this, I had never really understood what was meant when people described silence as "deafening."  However, at that moment my ears were literally ringing with quiet.  It was quite lovely, actually!  Sensing an opportunity for novelty, I looked around my office to see what I could find to complete today's task and found...

NOTHING!  It appears that every book, drawer, and basket is filled with things that I have used on multiple occasions.  I clearly have spent too much time in my office!  As I was about to cry Uncle and head back into the fray, I remembered an exercise that my friend Beth, (of coconut cheesecake with passion fruit glaze fame), had taken part in at a training at Kripalu.  

Now I have no idea who taught her this exercise, or if it can be found in a book somewhere, so my apologies about not giving the proper people credit.  However, when she described this simple but profound exercise to me I had filed it away in my brain so that I could try it during my next quiet moment...  That filing happened, oh, like, a year ago...  And that anticipated moment had finally arrived!

The exercise is simple, really:  

1.  Take a piece of paper and list the activities you take part in in a typical day in your life.  

2.  Next to each activity mark whether it is self-nurturing/energizing, neutral or draining.  

3.  Review and contemplate.

Despite the fact that I've been bemoaning having to work during my maternity leave, this exercise shed some light on how good my life actually is right now.  The vast majority of my time is spent taking part in activities that are self-nurturing, energizing, or neutral.  And, when draining activities happen, often they would actually be neutral or even enjoyable if it weren't for the fact that I was trying to multitask.  Like, for instance, when I'm trying to start a load of laundry while keeping an eye on my toddler so that he doesn't try to hit his sister with his stuffed Elmo.  Or, when I'm trying to dress Gracie while Liam is trying to rip pages out of his bedtime anthology.  So, the take home message from this activity - if I can do it mindfully, without trying to do other things at the same time, almost anything I have to do in my day-to-day maternity leave life can feel rewarding rather than draining.  (I say this as I type this blog while rocking my infant to sleep in her bassinet with my foot...  But I digress!) 

And what about all of these out of the ordinary work-related activities that take me away from spending this precious time with my kids?  Trying to motivate a toddler day in and day out has taught me that attitude is everything.  If you are enthusiastic and make it fun, he will be more than thrilled to do any little chore you give to him and he will put his all into savoring the experience.  In fact, he will run back to me chanting "more" and will be disappointed if I can't find something else for him to do!  It's when we tell ourselves that something is unpleasant that it actually becomes that way!  So, I guess, my attitude has kind of sucked!

I was once told that looking at your stressors as challenges to be faced was one of three things that people who manage their stress well do. In a way, this experiment allows me the venue to make things that I would normally dread or think of as unpleasant seem more like a fun challenge.  For instance, if I actually end up having to testify in person in court, (which I got out of at the last minute last time around.  No one wanted the therapist to go into labor on the stand!), that will certainly count as a novel experience.  And I find that thinking of this as a novel experience to add to my life list makes me feel more curious than anxious.   So looking at testifying within the context of this novelty embracing experiment makes it seem a bit, well, fun?!  Weird, I know!  But I find that as I get more and more in the habit of orienting my life toward seeking novelty, even things I'm afraid of seem less terrible.  I don't think I'll be jumping out of an airplane anytime soon...  but you never know!